But just

I drag my body to the adjustable chair
where I sit reluctantly, think reluctantly.
My mind has stuck in the cracks at home.

My attention rolls from screen to screen
until some soft and pointless thing glints bright enough
to steal my morning.
Videos of nothing, a post about nothing, emails drafted and deleted until
the day is gone, and I am out of time,
left to marvel at my ability to turn straight roads to roundabouts. 

But panic is my favourite helper, and here she is again:
kicking my heart to beating,
the first thing I felt all morning. 
I am shook awake
just long enough to take a snatch at resolve--
but just one more cup of coffee first.
Let me stretch my legs, just let me check one thing.
Just let me,
just--